


Love a Tree Day

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel is mad, Crack, Kissing, Love A Tree Day, Lucifer is in the Doghouse, Lucifer/A Tree, M/M, Michael is a good son, Multi, Specifically Tree Kissing, Tree Love, and dean fell asleep, because he wanted to try somnophilia, or at least he used to be, really what did he expect, so is dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 01:18:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1963548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer gets arrested for showing a local tree a little bit too much love on Love a Tree Day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love a Tree Day

**Author's Note:**

> Love A Tree Day is a holiday you can celebrate on May 16th.

Lucifer isn’t sure whether this is going to be embarrassing for him or deadly for the humans. _Maybe both,_ he thinks as he listens to Michael screaming.

 

“WHERE’S MY LULU?” Michael shouts at the other end of the police station. Windows shatter. The ground quakes. Lucifer rolls his eyes.

 

Michael appears in front of him. “I thought I raised you better than this,” he screams through the bars. “What will Sam say? Or Gabriel? They’re going to die of broken hearts and it’s all your fault! And then what kind of example will it set for the children?”

 

“For fuck’s sake, Mike, Sam and Castiel aren’t fucking _children_!”

 

Michael sighs melodramatically. “When _it_ happened, Sam and Gabriel fell to the floor in agonizing anguish. They were so _distressed,_ Lulu! Castiel had to carry Gabriel to bed and Dean had to give Sam CPR.”

 

“You mean like that time Gabriel accidently fell on Dean and their lips meet and literally _nothing_ happened? Like that?”

 

“You kissed a _tree,_ Lu! Your bond is null and void! It’d been revoked by the powers that be! It’s now officially annulled!”

 

“Bull. Shit.”

 

“Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to stop harassing our prisoner,” someone says behind Michael.

 

Michael wails. “No!” He throws a hand over his eyes. “My flesh and blood! My closest kin! My only son!” He falls to his knees and weeps.

 

Lucifer stands and smacks him through the bars. “Will you stop being so melodramatic? It’s a first time drunk and disorderly, my sentence ends in an hour or two.”

 

“Actually, you’re free to go now. Your blood alcohol levels have dropped enough that we feel it’s safe to let you out. Would you like someone to escort you away from this madman?”

 

Lucifer shakes his head. “He’s my older brother. He’s just upset because our Father loved me more.”

 

“Do not take the Lord’s name in vain!” Michael shouts.

 

“Oh my God, will you quit it?” Lucifer hisses.

 

“I’m a _good_ son! Like Gabriel before you corrupted him. Or Dean, before Sam corrupted him. Or Castiel, before Dean corrupted _him_. Or _me_ before you ruined me!”

 

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like an escort?” The officer asks as he unlocks Lucifer.

 

“Positive. Thanks, Officer Good.”

 

“Just don’t let me see you in here again, son.”

 

***

 

“You fucking _whore,_ ” Gabriel says when he learns what happened.

 

“You kissed a tree?” Sam asks, shaking his head.

 

“It was Love A Tree Day,” Lucifer says defensively. “It was the loneliest tree in the forest and-”

 

“Lucifer said you got arrested in a park.”

 

“Well-” Lucifer cuts himself off when he sees Sam walk over to the cabinet in the living room where they keep the Doghouse Supplies. “That’s the third time this _week_ you’ve made me sleep on the couch! All I did was kiss a tree!”

 

“Don’t worry,” Castiel says. “Dean will be joining you.”

 

Sam laughs. “What did he do now?”

 

Castiel folds his arms and huffs. “He fell asleep while pleasing me.”

 

“You wanted to try somnophilia. What the fuck did you expect!”

 

“Evidently something better,” Castiel sniffs.

 

Michael taps all of them in the head with a pillow. “Tree stupid, candy stupid, sexy stupid, sleepy stupid, smart stupid, cute stupid!” He says as he hits them in order of age.

 

Gabriel gives him a look of disgust. “You’re a whore, too.”

 

Michael gives him an innocent look. “Adam, am I a whore?”

 

“Yes.”


End file.
